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Facial

Being a porn enthusiast the word ‘facial’ had a different meaning for me till yesterday. I went for a beauty facial at a uni-sex saloon. Seriously supported by the likes of Sharukh, Surya and Mahesh, i felt a need to look good, attractive and gay at the same time. I never guessed whats in store for me. It took 1.5 hours for me to realize that i was touched, rubbed, steamed and plucked at the same time. I never imagined in my wildest of dreams that a  girl could make me cry with her acts. I came out of the room with a smooth face, broken ego and a newly found respect for all the well maintained women out there.

That advertisement where a guy uses a cream, becomes fairer and gets hot chicks deeply affected me. If not for chicks i would never have entered that torture room. Anyways past is past. So on a fine day i decided that i should look good. I googled for all the best uni sex saloons around my place and zeroed on the one which has best reviews from their women costumers. Naturally, I couldn’t find any reviews from the men. Men can review women but not the saloons that they go to. It’s a hush hush thing. You cant say to your boy friends that you went for a saloon to look good  or you used a Viagra to be more effective. It’s demeaning for a real man. We like to call ourselves natural and manly, its a man’s thing.

I entered this huge building with hoardings of beautiful white women endorsing the saloon. As soon as i entered i can see scores of women behind a reception desk  doing all sorts of things  to their hair, face, nails, hands, legs and what not!. I was like “are men allowed here?, why cant i see a single man, goddammit” and i was about to turn back when i heard a voice “sir, what can i do for you”, i turned back,  gave a fake smile and said “facial”. ” For you?!!” she asked as if nothing is going to change even after throwing me in a bleaching river. “yes for me, i was getting engaged so” , that was a lie, i don’t know what to say to her!. ” congrats sir, for men its the top floor, take the stairs”. “ok”.

I went to the top floor and was made to sit in a luxury spa chair and then came a lady who will decide my future 2 hours. She came with a pamphlet containing all the different types of facials, their costs and a brief  info about them. “pearl facial”, “shehnaz gold”, “fruit?”, “silver”, “bronze”. I was like ” WTF?”. Sensing that i was totally confused she asked me what i want exactly.  Without any hesitation i said ” white”. With no expression on her face she thought for a while and said “go for pearl sir”. My brain started working “pearl haa, pearl = white , pearl is forever so white shall remain white forever, hmmm”. I said “ok, go ahead”.

I was taken into a lonely room with a massage bed and was asked to wait for a while. A girl came into my room with a black robe and asked me to remove my shirt and change. ” A girl?, a girl will do my facial?, don’t they have men in here?, is there no rule?, a women should be arrested only by women constables and a man should be facialized only by an other man, there is no such rule?, shit shit”. I calmly removed my shirt, changed into the loose black robe and sat on the table. I was looking around for any hidden video cameras. I don’t want to see “Black Indian molested in a saloon” in those famous MMS scandal websites tomorrow. I was made to sleep facing the roof and she started working on my face.  After growing up only 2 women touched my cheeks, one slight touch while playing Holy and one hard touch when i proposed someone.

Each cream felt different and smelled different. The strokes on my face felt heavenly  till  the time she started doing something with my nose. I later came to know from a girl friend of mine that she was actually trying to pluck black heads and create black holes on my nose. “what difference does it make?, my skin color matches with the black heads, then why remove, why god why?”. I never felt this feeling of “involuntary crying”. I was literally sobbing while she is molesting my nose. I just realized how James Bond might have felt in “Casino Royale” when he is stripped naked and banged from below. After physical torture started air torture began where, suddenly hot air was blasted onto my face. “whats happening, i don’t want to die here!”. I was literally gasping for air breathing from my mouth. Air torture lasted for 5 min and i came out alive. Then came my worst nightmare, MENTAL torture.

The lady suddenly came to my side, lifted my hand and started applying lotion, from fingers to the shoulders. Something started which shouldn’t have started. “No, no, no ,no,no”. Don’t judge me here, its natural for an unmarried man. If i don’t get aroused then you are free to judge me!. I crossed my legs for a while, tried to think about my English mam(she is a de-arouser), prayed lord krishna, Krishna didn’t help, so started praying lord Rama, Rama helped me to some extent. By the time mental torture got over, i am a vegetable, completely exhausted.

“Its done sir”. I got up with a stooped back, stooped organ and a broken heart. I changed to my casuals went for the mirror and saw the same old me. “It will show on your face in next 2 days sir”. “ooh yaa?, really?”. I came out of the building with a lighter purse, heavy head and a clear determination never to go for a facial again. After all what difference does it make?, buffaloes die the same way they were born, no matter how many facials, isn’t it?.

Twist

Warren Buffet is in India. The greedy old man of the world (oops, sorry,  he pledged 100-1 percent of his money to charity isn’t it? ) was in India to promote his philanthropic activities. The other day i was keenly watching his press meet on TV along with millions of Indians who wanted to learn some “wisdom” from the old man. The man is quick, witty and highly responsive taking into account his age(80yrs). Somewhere in between the interview i was thinking of Maslow and his theory of Hierarchy, Presumably this buffet guy must be at the top of the pyramid, the man who achieved self-realization, but i feel otherwise.

First of all Maslow theory is not universal. For a person like Gandhi, physiological needs like sex, food( taking out things like breathing, excretion etc on which he has no control on ) are not the “primary” needs. He would starve himself to death if he has to. I am sure Gandhi wouldn’t have cared about the other hierarchical needs like safety(he lived in a hut), love ( i don’t think so). So Gandhi’s primary needs are somewhere in between the top 2 layers, esteem and self realization. Maslow’s theory states that self-realization is where it all ends, that there is nothing beyond it, but i feel otherwise.

Take for Example, Berlusconi, my favorite icon, Italian PM. For him sex came after self realization!. Indian politicians never cross the primary needs!, Our PM, Dr Manmohan singh directly jumped to self realization without any intermediate steps. So the theory is highly debatable.

I don’t believe in philanthropy. If i am a billionaire  and if i spend 1 billion to feed a million of malnutrition-ed  Ethiopian children for 1 day, who will feed them tomorrow?. So they will eventually starve to death if there are no systems in place. Simple mathematics says that there are very few resources(also diminishing) left on this globe to feed ever growing populations. And i don’t think Buffet or Bill gates or any philanthropist is unaware of this fact. So the question, why do they do what they are doing?

Some things are above our understanding, like why the allies are bombing Libya, is it for the oil or to safeguard human rights. Why a person like Bill gates, who is often accused of promoting monopoly and greedy capitalism became the flag bearer of universal philanthropy.

Bill gates is a “self -realized” man the moment he set his foot in his newly found Microsoft office. So what has changed him now?.  I think once any person reaches the stage of self realization he  has to come down the pyramid, its a cycle. Modern age philanthropy promoted by super rich is more about “themselves” than the people they are serving. Many people are of the opinion that once they reach their goal, they want to give back something to the society, but they fail to realize that they are giving to satisfy they own need of self esteem. Anyways, don’t curse me, i am a big fan of  Johnny Depp  “Take what you can, Give nothing back” !!

Valentines Day

Every God deserves a festival. There are 3 crore+ gods in India, each and everyone of them deserves a festival. But a festival without a holiday is like Yana gupta wearing a panty, nobody cares. But there is one festival which doesn’t need a holiday. A borrowed festival, a youth festival, a festival that some says is only for the beautiful people, not for the ugly ones, tatadaaamm, THE VALENTINES DAY.

Nobody wants a holiday on a Valentines Day, who wants to sit at home all alone and watch “Mogali Rekulu”( a revolutionary Telugu detergent, sorry, soap). Ugly office going girls who don’t give a damn about their looks till this day take that archeological artifact, the makeup kit, buried deep under their clothes to test their chances of being hooked. Who knows which bechara is waiting all through the year to propose her on this special day?!. Looking ugly on a valentines day is like wearing jeans to the first night, not practical. I did that mistake once, not the jeans, but not wearing the makeup, so the love of my life is lost to another girl. I don’t want others to make the same mistake, otherwise you will end up like me, all alone, pants down and watching that “valentines day, kii din mei” song.

Where is the festival for lovers in India??  Holi,  for perverts to try their antics, Vinayaka Chavithi for goondas to showcase their power, Dashara, for people to display their love for animals and give them “mukthi”, Deepavali to show heroism, Rakhi, for girls to take revenge on boys, Worldcup to show our devotion to God, Sachin. Where is the festival for lovers in India?? What did Gandhi say?  the day when all those lovers hiding under trees, bushes in public parks, net cafes can come out and publicly exchange greetings, that is when our culture is completely lost. But who cares, except for Shiv Sainiks of course.

Time for the other side of the story. Like the fact that all people with fairer skin have black butts, V-Day too has its share of negatives. Widely regarded as a festival for attractive people, the festival is accused of sidelining the ugly people. In a democratic country like India, everyone, poor-rich,short-tall, ugly-balu, everyone should be given equal opportunities.

Like an idea  behind my black skin is indestructible, the idea of V-day is potent enough to go on forever. The idea that v-day is all about hormones and sex has to be respected. There is still aloo in samosa even if there is no Laloo in Bihar. Similarly, no matter Archies exist in India or not, V-day will forever continue.

Balunomics – Part 1.

I am not Paul Krugman. I don’t understand economic lingo and i also don’t have a Nobel Prize.  This analysis of mine is lame, really stupid, so don’t take this argument to heart.

Projected GDP of India at 8.7%!, what?, PPP of India is 4 trillion dollars! what?,  arey yaar India will overtake USA in a couple of years, woww!, that’s really great but how?. you know, this GDP,PPP and all, these indicate growth, so we will overtake eventually!!, that’s it, simple. wah!  sahi yaar.

Indian growth story is a total fad. Its like comparing the income levels of a joint family of 50 members with a nuclear family of 2. Plain stupid. For example the EU, European Union is having the highest GDP of 16 trillion dollars  and has a population of 500 million, USA with a GDP of 14.5 trillion dollars has a population of 300 million and India which is having a GDP of 1.4 trillion dollars has a population of 1,155 million!. There is absolutely no way one could compare these three scenarios. Remember the “India Shining ” gimmick by NDA!, it is just a way to turn us away from ground realities.  Sadly, that was not the first time in India. Economics got politicized long ago during the Indira era with “garibhi Hatao” slogan.

Let us just talk about this great Indian IT story. Services sector in India contributes an overwhelming percentage to the Indian GDP close to 50 percent, of course, at the expense of Industrial and Agricultural outputs. Which roughly means that Indian service sector which involves IT companies are earning that much, which means they are paying the IT  employees that much. Which means IT guys average earnings are far ahead of other sector employees. cool.

So this unmarried  IT guy who earns 50k per month, what does he do with the money?, the story is quite interesting.

Earnings per month – 50,000 rs.

I-Phone or Samsung E6 – 20,000 rs.

New Car, Ford Figo EMI’s – 5,000 rs.

Levis jeans+ T-Shirt, Black Berry suit , shopping – 5000 rs.

Weekend party’s( Budweiser, his favorite) – 5000 rs.

I am not blaming him, he is just a part of great Indian wave of Consumerism. But if you look at the items he spent on, most of which are foreign goods of a  foreign company. Major part of this money will eventually end up in Apple’s, Ford’s  Bank account so that Steve Jobs can extend his holiday for a few more days.

So technically what are these MNCs based abroad doing? They are asking us to do some work which they don’t want to do and since India is a cheap labor market (pun),  they are paying us cheap in turn making us believe that we are rich, that we are developing and then take this money back and keep in their pockets just like stealing from a beggar to whom you just threw a rupee. To keep it bluntly, by showing PPP  they are making us PP (mail me for abbreviations).

If you cannot retain talent in India, if you cannot make a future Zuckerberg in IIT bombay, instead produce grads who work in FaceBook with huge paychecks,  as long as you report “abroad placements of IIM’s” on the front page, as long as toppers from IIT’s choose NASA over ISRO( no scam in ISRO, believe me), as long as Indian parents want NRI’s for their daughters(sad me), as long as Indians believe Inception is better than Tees Maar khan, India will never “really” develop.

Ps: FB valued at 50B$ can buy off 3/4 Indian IT sector valued at 70B$, difference of 1 talented man!

Why i don’t want to be the next Mark Zuckerberg

First things first, I don’t want to be him because i don’t want to be a man with a medium built physique, an introvert, with a weirdly whitish face  having no girl friend and a Jewish origin (pun intended) as  i perfectly fit the bill of a perfect man!, tall dark  and ahem, handsome, and yes, i have a girl friend and i am a Hindu (Hindus don’t need girl friends, they automatically get married ). Apart from the a fore mentioned facts there are other reasons for me not to be the CEO  and founder of a 40 billion empire. I would rather prefer being a fat snob like a Rakesh junjhunwala instead.Why? the secret is as open as Rakhi Sawanth’s cleavage. It’s there for everyone to sneak a peek.

I don’t really read Paulo Coelho nor i believe in the concept of whole universe conspiring to help you achieve your dreams, if this concept is indeed true, i am really afraid of the  wishes of Osama Bin Laden!, “I want to destroy the world” and the whoooole universe helps him to achieve his dream!. What i believe is the fact that life is all about Optimism and a fervent desire to achieve something. And here is the catch, once you have achieved something that you really wanted, you won’t enjoy it!. Ask any married man how he enjoys going to bed and having sex with his  lovely wife of 10 years, he won’t!. Ask a Warren buffet how he enjoys his billions who still lives in his old  five-bedroom stucco house in Omaha. He really doesn’t give a damn. No, i am not suggesting you enjoy your pot, sing Hare Rama and roam around Goa Beaches for eternity. All i am saying is don’t be the Spider man if you ever had a chance. What did  mama say? ” with great power comes great responsibility” , and i don’t want that power if i ever had a chance.

If i ever become a billionaire(most probably, i wont!) i don’t want to become the founder of Malinda gates foundation and roam around the world helping the deprived!. Do you think Bill Gates or Buffet who pledged all his wealth to charity and in future a Zuckerberg have a choice as to how they lead their own lives?  NO. They don’t. See Tiger woods for God sake, he is successful  and so what he bring some hookers home, see what they did to him, they ripped him apart. They are all Spider men. Rather i prefer spending the second half of my life at french alps with an old  Scarlett Johansson. So a low profile millionaire has a better chance to lead a life of his choice than a high profile billionaire. But the paradox, Who wants to become a Millionaire if he had the chance and opportunity to become a Billionaire. No one, except me.

“The social Network”  is a brilliant movie for it touches all the right chords. An accidental Billionaire in making struggling with his personal life wanting to prove something to the world. He perfectly fits the psyche of most of the present generation high aspiring cool dudes. And the director was successful in portraying the varied hardships that one has to undergo in his long journey to become great and the bloody trail that it leaves behind resulting in a permanent scar.

So what do i suggest?, Try to become an Iron Man instead, you have Scarlett atleast!, but never the Spider Man, you are done with. Becoming an Iron Man is easy for it is in your own hands to become an Iron man, but its quite difficult to become a Spider man because the Radio active spider is difficult to find . Don’t spoil your life in search of that Spider, you will never enjoy the outcome.

Ps: if you haven’t understood the last para, mail me.

Eternal sunshine of spotless Facebook

“Catcher in the Rye” is a literary masterpiece written by an eccentric genius J.D Salinger. He never gave a public interview, never published any other major book. He spent a reclusive life by reading Hindu, Buddhist scriptures,  lived in solitary confinement all through out his life  in his high walled house. Banned by US govt after it first got published, Catcher in the Rye  is now part of the US high school syllabus. ‘Don’ Bradman, considered as one of the cricket’s iconic figures lived a rather unusual “star like” life after his retirement from International Cricket. He never entertained ‘media’ into his home. Pordenone Montanari, 73, considered as the “next Picaso”, the existence of whom is unknown till a few months back, lived a reclusive life for 18 years indulging in painting his masterpieces which were found by “accident”. Grigory Perelman, a Russian mathematics genius, has turned down a million dollar prize for solving the Poincare conjecture. He simply turned down the “field’s medal” considered as the Nobel prize of Mathematics. He lives in a pest infested 2 BHK apartment with his old mother in Russia.

The four iconic human beings which i have mentioned belonged to four different streams, Literature, Sport, Art and Science. All of them belonged to the “Present Generation”, our generation,  hence whose lives can be viewed from a contemporary perspective.

The common thread connecting these four individuals is their philosophy of life, their belief that “privacy” is an invaluable asset of one’s life which sadly the present generation have absolutely no clue.

The so called “Popular culture” of present society is being shaped, not by intellectuals, not by scientists, not by authors, not by philosophers, but by some rouges who call themselves ‘artists’. These so called present generation artists belong to a special breed of human beings whose existence have to do with “Exhibitionism”. I don’t find fault with them though, as it is their prerequisite to make all their personal lives public. But these small bunch of  people are influencing a generation without much effort. As per my knowledge of Tollywood (a south Indian movie industry), most of the famous stars are uneducated, who haven’t completed even their high school. Most of them are star sons, grand sons, cousins etc who have absolute no knowledge of anything. But their fan following runs into millions ( going by their Twitter account followers), their opinions are valued, their way of life is revered and they are seen as “Godly” figures. The worst outcome of this star worship is an undercurrent philosophy of the need to “exhibit” ones private life in public without much concern.

This phenomena can best be explained by “Facebook” whose revenues have surpassed even Google. Unlike Google which is somewhat a necessity, FaceBook has a unique philosophy as its bedrock. Its business dwells on “popular culture’. It’s about “sharing”. Day in and day out, i see “ridiculous” sharing from my Facebook friends. Some one shares his pic with his girl friend on a bed, some one shares his “private outing” with his close friends at a Goa beach. It became a norm nowadays to share the most private thing one could ever have “The honeymoon”. Then comes these ever famous young Indian wannabe NRIs sharing their pic with the newly brought 50k Audi, wearing sunglasses at night. The moment these “normal” desis step into USA, they feel like stars and  assume that it’s their right to showcase everything that they do in USA to the poor folks back in India. What do they cook, where did they go for their week end vacation, how did they receive degrees along with their phoren friends. pchh, such a glamorous life, we  in India miss it horribly.

I have 400 odd random friends in my Facebook account. I am in touch with less than 10 of them, i have never spoken with 200 of them. I hate 100 of them and i am not interested in 350 of them. Why should i share my engagement pics with 400 of them? Simple question.

Many of us can’t even define what “privacy” is , many of us don’t even know the meaning of that word. I really wanted to see how Laxmi Mittal married his only daughter in Versailles. I wanted to see the marriage pics of the daughter of George bush, i never saw the marriage pics of Mukesh Ambani. If i am not a movie star, does money have something to do with privacy?. If i give 100 crores to a famous south Indian movie actress will she still kiss 60 year old , buffalo looking “stars” or am i wrong. At present i am totally confused.

P.S. btw I am not yet engaged.

Rakta Charitra

FOR ME,  the most historic cinematic moment ever was not when that white girl screams in a bath tub in Psycho or that speech of Don Vito in God Father or Schindler begging “one more, can i save one more”  in the Schindler’s list or “yee haat mujkoo dedo takur” in Sholay or that dreadful ending in ‘Apocalypse now’, or that violent  shit of Clockwork Orange or those brilliant shots of Citizen Kane or all that gore of Kill Bill or that dramatic ending of the Taxi Driver or that “mere pass maa hai” or that La Motta hitting the crap in ‘The Raging Bull’ or whatever. FOR ME, the most historic cinematic moment ever was when that helpless guy ‘comes’ for the second time while his friends are watching him online in American Pie.

Many important and essential things in our lives like films, books, girls, life, god etc have a unique property. The more you explore them, the more complicated they get and you will abhor the peripheral niceties that these things have to offer.  Masand, a film reviewer for CNN-IBN gave a rating of 3 to Rajni’s Robot and gave a 4 for “A Single Man’, a simple story about a gay professor. There is no way one could compare these two movies because their target audience is different and the philosophy is different. “Movie psychology” is like an onion, it has layers, once you go deeper there is no turning back . The more deeper you go, the more chaotic it gets and it becomes hard to appreciate the ‘outer layers’.

Some of the greatest movies ever made like God Father, Raging Bull, Clockwork orange, Taxi Driver, Apocalypse now etc whose emphasis was not on technical finesse(hence excluding the likes of Alfred Hitchcock, Spielberg etc) but on an undercurrent philosophy that is very difficult to comprehend. It’s difficult to explain Don Vito’s character or Lo Motto’s psychology or why do the taxi driver do what he does at the end of the movie or the Marlon Brando in Apocalypse now. Humans have the tendency to ascribe greatness to things which they cannot explain. Man created God as a single answer to many questions that he was not able to answer, that he couldn’t understand because it’s an easy way out.

“If you thoroughly enjoyed a movie like A Single Man, you will never be able to enjoy a movie like Robo ‘more’ than the one who couldn’t appreciate The Single man”. This single line explains the whole of  Indian movie industry.

The other side of this argument is ‘exposure’. If i ask you to choose between Ron Jeremy( the porn legend) or one time married famous Urologist to ask a question  “how to satisfy my woman”, whom would you pick?. You are an idiot if you don’t pic Jeremy. Similarly, the best person who could review a Bollywood movie is a south Indian because a south Indian has “exposure”, he watches both Bollywood movies and south Indian movies, whereas Masand has absolute no clue as to what south Indian movies are all about. In India this problem becomes even bigger.

There is huge outcry for the movie “Rakhtha Charithra(RC)” released yesterday( which i already watched), as there were some scenes about a former CM of AP. It’s sad and overwhelming when i hear someone say that India is a “tolerant, secular” country whereas the actual truth is far from it (not comparing with China though). No Indian film maker was able to make a movie on Gandhi from a neutral perspective. It’s ironic that a “foreigner”, not an Indian filmmaker made the best documentary till date on the life of “Gandhi”(Richard Attenborough’s GANDHI 1982) .

When Michael Moore took “Fahrenheit 9/11” , accusing Bush( he was the president of USA then) to be directly responsible for the war and the terrorist attacks, the Oscar academy gave the movie “Best Documentary award” for that year. In India several such attempts made by bold Indian film makers or authors were banned, censored or ridiculed (Banning of the novel “Such a Long Journey” by Rohinton Mistry is the latest testimony of this attitude).

RGV, the maker of Raktha Charitra belongs to a rare genre that Indian filmmakers fear to get associated with. Some of the finest present generation Indian directors who belong to this genre are Vishal Bharadwaj and Anurag Kashyap . Their side of the story and their cinematic vision has to be respected. The benchmark of a pluralistic  society is not in organizing a CWG meet or is not in conducting a free and fair election, but  is in the level of acceptance to different views.

BlackBerry Boys

My blood boils whenever i see the new BlackBerry Advertisement. Nothing to do with the BlackBerry Brand as such, but the way they showed these suit wearing, fat guys shamelessly singing ” We’re special, we’re clever, we’re very very clever”. I guess i am safe here to assume that they represent the top notch corporate leadership. MBA- Business-analysts, Bankers etc…

The intellectual ingenuity of these so called “BlackBerry”  users can be best summed up in a single para , told by a legendary character Gekko played by Michael Douglas in 1987 “Wall Street”.

“”Greed, for lack of a better word, is good. Greed is right. Greed works. Greed clarifies, cuts through, and captures, the essence of the evolutionary spirit. Greed, in all of its forms; greed for life, for money, for love, knowledge, has marked the upward surge of mankind and greed, you mark my words, will not only save Teldar Paper, but that other malfunctioning corporation called the U.S.A”

Ofcourse, Gekko is wrong . But the concept of greed is  universal. It explains everything, the recessions, the depressions, and the oppressions. As per science,  greed kills you too![link].

1.3 million people have lost their jobs during the last recession due to these BlackBerry boys [link]. Let me tell you that these very very special and clever boys are only a handful due to which millions have lost their jobs all around the globe. The business module created by these boys is so genuinely genius that it’s hard to pinpoint the actual culprits. Millions of lives shattered, thousands of families ruined by this recession and no one, not a single BlackBerry boy was held accountable.

When Ramalinga Raju made a scam running into thousands of crores. He was kept in jail for few months, later got shifted  to a five star hospital and now he is on a bail. The problem here can be best explained by a dialogue from a movie called “Aparichithan”. If you loot a dollar from a single person  it’s not  a big sin, but if you loot one dollar each from a million people, its a corporate scandal. But in most of the cases noone is held accountable.

One such very very clever BlackBerry boy is Jeffrey Skilling, the former CEO of Enron who is serving 2 decades in prison for the Enron scandal. He was a famous alumnus of Harvard business school. His answer to the interview board when he was asked whether he was clever, he replied saying “I am F****g clever” [link]. Heavily inspired by the theory of evolution, he believed in the concept of “survival of the fittest”.

Ofcourse, some boys are good too. Recently, there were some stories as to how less the present Governor of RBI is paid when compared to top corporate CEO’s. RBI Governor D. Subbarao got a gross salary of Rs 1,28,500 in the month of June 2010. This corresponds to an annual package of little over Rs 15 lakh for RBI Governor, who is a signatory to all the currency notes in the country. On the other hand HDFC Bank Managing Director Aditya Puri earned Rs 3.40 crore in 2009-10 while ICICI Bank MD and CEO Chanda Kochhar’s pay package stood at Rs 2.08 crore during that fiscal. [link]. If you just go through the credentials of SubbaRao here, you might appreciate what i am trying to explain.

I don’t give a damn for some MD working in a private corporation fashioning Blackberry and wearing shiny shiny shoes portraying to be very very clever. I believe it is important not to forget that if Narayana Murty has created a million jobs, some 10 greedy lunatic Wall Street analysts were responsible for making millions jobless and hundreds lifeless.

Here is the song once again…

We wear cool suits, We wear shiny shoes….We’re the Corporate Boys….oyeah! We’re the Corporate Boys..

We are greedy, We are selfish, We are very very selfish…We’re the Corporate Boys….oyeah! We’re the Corporate Boys..

We do steal, we do fraud, we do cheat, we do all in the moove…coz We’re the Corporate Boys….oyeah! We’re the Corporate Boys..

ooooo yeah! We’re the Corporate Boys!!!

A Sad Story of Human Evolution

I am not an authority on this Babri crap. Right now, I am more interested in Robot review rather. If you want some serious shit on this subject i suggest you go and read the post and first few comments here . I am like the old guy in “Munnabhai MBBS” –‘Carrom ramwa nu juice piwanu … majja ni life”.

I thought when they pronounce court verdicts, the final judgment will be short and crisp,  like they do in Indian movies, something  like “IPC 302, you are dead, MF”. But i was wrong. If you don’t know it yet, yesterday’s  judgment  was like 12000 pages. All the people who are ready with sticks, knives , stones and petrol bombs were confused as to what the judgment was all about. It will take them atleast one day to read, comprehend and react.

Yesterday was a historical day. It was a day when a judicial court announced and validated the existence of GOD. It’s unprecedented. Justice Sharma announced that “yes, this is where lord ram is born”!!!. I thought Ramayana was a st0ry till yesterday and Sri Lanka is an Island. So it’s a possibility that the Sri Lankan govt may file property damage charges on India and Lord Ram for destroying “Ravan’s Lanka”.

There were three judges who gave their verdict. Mr Sharma, Mr Agarwal and Mr Khan.

So yesterday’s judgment was simple. Mr sharma  thinks that Ram was born there, it was not a mosque and it was constructed by destroying already existing Hindu idols. Mr Khan thinks that Hindus “believed” that ram was born “somewhere” around that area and it was indeed a mosque which was destroyed and it was constructed on the “ruins” of Hindu idols which were damaged much long ago and the third one, Mr Agarwal played safe.

So judges thought that reconciliation is the way forward and hence even though the majority agreed(ie 2 hindus : 1 muslim) that it is a clear cut “Ram Janmabhoomi” they have given a consolation prize to muslims – a 1/3 piece of land.

I got rather a wonderful idea. If justice is reconciliation after all, why not divide kashmir into 3 parts and give one part each to India, Pakistan and terrorists. Problem solved, problem solved, problem solved.

I would have respected this judgment if Mr khan gave the verdict given by Mr Sharma and vice-verse. And i wondered what would have happened if the bench comprised of “2 khans” instead of “1 khan”.

History has failed once again as a teacher . 2000 thousand years ago, a God King was believed to be born and people worshiped his idol for a thousand years, a Muslim ruler destroyed the site and built a mosque 500 years ago and rulers of modern India destroyed the mosque 20 years ago and now they are trying to construct a “grand temple”.  A sad story of human evolution where no one actually evolved.

Ooooooh Shit !

“The UN estimates that 600 million people or 55 percent of Indians still defecate outside, more than 60 years after the scrupulously clean independence leader Gandhi first talked of the responsible disposal of human waste. “[link].

60 years of glorious Independence and more than half of Indians still carry a mug and run for bushes and the whole country is angry because some B grade foreign players (because technically we are taking out US, Russian and Chinese players, which constitute 3/4 of the world’s best) are having hard time using the bathrooms built by our shabby (after the bridge collapsed) Indian Engineers. I don’t give a shit. How in the world do we expect some junk sport board members of India to spend some 10k crores given to them. Big shots in India are never afraid of Indian judicial system. I just want to live for the day to see a famous Indian actor/ actress spending time  in jail for “drinking”  like they are doing for Lindsay in  USA .

Foreign travelers are always like “We wanna see the real India mann, show me, show me some real shit mann”.  So, Kalmadi and company are actually trying  to show them some real shit, quite literally that is.  Saina Nehwal a couple of weeks ago said in a “hurry” that we are not yet ready to handle such big events. And there is such an uproar in the media that she was forced to retract her views !. We are just terrified to hear the truth, we cannot take it!. We are like that old Indian heroine shouting “nahiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii”.

Do you remember that old saying “Money can’t buy everything”. Just because you sanctioned some 10k crore, it doesn’t mean that the end product is as good as the dough you provided. I don’t remember any  big event on par with the present CWG  conducted in the recent past by the “Indian Govt”. IPL season 2 is such an event conducted by the corporate wing of the  BCCI,  not the government.  So “Technically” Indian Govt  never had either the expertise  or men who are capable of Organizing  such a big scale event in the first place . As per my opinion, Kalmadi is never the person capable enough to pull off such a big event. He is just a seasoned politician who  happened to be the IOA boss.

PMO is acting like THE famous cops of Indian movies, they always enter the scene after everything is over. Second heroine(our national prestige)  and villain (withdrawl by top players) are  already dead and our hero (Mr. kalmadi amassing wealth) won the battle and sadly this movie made with the biggest budget ever flopped well before its release.

Actually, I am trying my hand at poetry these days. so here is a sample and i am dedicating it to CWG India 2010.

Great Indian wake up wake up,
Take the mug and jog up jog up,
Never fear, never worry,
no one will see you , so hurry hurry.

Look for a good bush,
Don’t make any sound, hush hush,
Remember there is no flush,
Oh forgot, use the leaves as the brush.

Don’t act like a bridegroom,
Complete the act and run, vroom vroom.
Don’t expect someone to clean the place with a broom,
Oooh Shit, is this the CWG village room???

Ps : IOA – Indian Olympic Assosiation, PMO – Office of the Prime Minister.

About Straight Post

SP is all about freewill. I was once a revolutionary who lost his ideals in technology, a philosopher who lost his integrity in debugging and a poet who lost his soul in coding. SP is just the way I see the world. No hard feelings.

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