Straight Post

Rockstar Review

I am writing this review because nobody asked me to write one. Whenever I watch a movie, I spend some time dissecting the logic: the crux of what the movie is all about. The lesson from this movie is “Don’t fuck sick girls and make them pregnant; they go into coma if you do that!” simple.  I seriously didn’t know this logic before watching this movie. So, in future whenever I am about to proceed, I would definitely pop this question to the girl “are you sick?” instead of “Are you ready?”. Because you don’t want to see a girl in coma when you get up in the morning; you will be like “Coma?!!, seriously?, WTF, I was not that rough yesterday night “.

Of course there are also some less important lessons to be learnt from this movie like: just fuck around if you really like a girl, it doesn’t matter if she is happily married to a decent family guy. The thing is, if you love somebody just proceed no matter what. It’s a marvelous lesson. Marriage is about trust and love is about lust. A match between lust and trust is like a match between Federer and Tsonga in yesterdays Paris open finals. The lust will rape trust no matter what.

India right now needs directors like Imtiaz ali. I am serious. Here is a director who teaches us the essence of life. In his first movie, Jab we met, he taught us how to run away from a marriage, in his second movie; Love aaj Kal, he taught us how to lead a decent no strings attached live in relationship; in his third movie he went a step ahead and taught us the beauty of an extra marital affair. I believe it’s a divine intervention that directors like Imtiaz ali are able to make decent movies which we really like and adore, hats off to him, hats off.

Coming back to the movie, what fascinated me is the character of JJ aka Jordan. Every Indian girl loves to have a BF like him.  There was a time in my life where I came to a conclusion that 2 organs are a must for a man to impress an Indian girl, one is the physical organ and the other is a Guitar.  JJ has everything. He is innocent (choooo cute), he is a guitarist, singer, virgin, what not. It’s as if God interviewed all dead Indian chicks and made a prototype in the name of JJ. I envy him. But there is a flaw in the movie. JJ eventually becomes a Rockstar and here is the catch, he doesn’t fuck girls because he loves a sick girl. Sensible thing for any man to do when he becomes a rock star is to exploit those crazy girls who run for his autograph. If I ever become a rock star, and if chicks are drooling over me, what do you expect me to do, commoonnn. JJ won’t even think about other girls. That’s the reason why all the girls who came out of the theatre yesterday are mesmerized by Ranbir Kapoor and cursed that poor hot chick, Nargis Fakhri, just because she can’t act and i condemn this.

I think this is the first time in my life I spent more time watching a girl’s lips than her breasts and back. Nargis Fakhri made this impossible thing possible. In my opinion it’s a great achievement for an actress. I loved her.

Overall, this movie was a spiritual journey for me. It changed me, taught me soo many things, explained the beauty of lust and I thank Ali for giving me this wonderful opportunity. Thank you Ali, thank you. My next stop is another spiritual movie “The Dirty picture”, eagerly waiting for another earth shattering experience.

Review – Raavan(Hindi)

Coppola is still alive, but will he be able to recreate the magic of God Father yet again?I don’t think so.Steven Spielberg is alive too ,will he be able to do “it” again? i am pretty sure that he will.Whats the difference between these two legends,frankly, i don’t know.Mani Ratnam, i guess ,slowly is falling into the former category.

Right from Nayakan, Dalapathi, Roja, Dil-se to the very latest Raavan, Mani has always tried to reason with the bad guys. If Nayakan is about an orphan who later turns out to be the champ of the underprivileged slum dwellers , Raavan is about a “Naxalitish” Mr Bachan fighting against the establishment seeking  revenge for what has happened to his family.Set in the deep  jungles of chirapunji(figuratively!) , Beeru played by Bachan abducts Raagini(ash) ,the wife of  sharma(Tamil super star Vikram) and the rest of the story is how rain falls  in different angles with varied velocity onto the faces!.

At times when the country is ravaged by the naxal menace, India’s top director comes up with an excellent story which in a way , ironically that is , is sympathetic to their cause. There is a scene in which Beera explains  to Raagini as to why he became a monster  that he is now . He recollects how his sister was , ahem, “treated”  by police which made him an extremist .It reminded me of the interview i took from Osama Bin Laden last year.

Me : hi Osama, why did you became a terrorist?

Osama: Just for fun.

Me: comonnn, you should have had a very very bad and a  legitimate reason to become a terrorist.Don’t tell me there isn’t any.

Osama : No, Nothing of that sort, bored of construction business, i became a terrorist, it gives me “kick” you know.

No one becomes a terrorist just for fun.Every one has his own reason. What irked me is the fact why the director should use rape and abuse as an excuse to invoke emotional response from the audience to gather support for the unlawful acts committed by an extremist.The same is the reason for Manisha to become a suicide bomber in Dil-se . The same is the reason why Beeru becomes an outcast in Raavan.

It is obvious that Mani wanted to recreate Ramayana in a modern way.I have no issues with that. But i don’t see the reason why he has to butcher the underlining theme of this great epic , which is a revered legacy of Hinduism. Ofcourse, my concern is not the box office response while i write this review. “Iruvar” one of the biggest flops of Mani’s carrer is still my favorite movie from his kitty.

All in all, except for some stunning visuals , there is nothing in stock for this flick. Don’t waste your time.

Rajneeti

I really loved Mani Ratnam’s Nayakan until one day i came to watch coppola’s God father and i recollected a scene in Nayakan which is a direct rip off from the original Godfather,from then on i really never had the respect i used to have for Maniratnam even though i am a great admirer of his work till this day( I know Raavan bombed BTW).The same thing happened with RamGopal Varma and now the same thing with Prakash Jha.

The film has a great story to begin with inspired partly by Mahabharata, the present Nehru Gandhi family,some ideas from God father.Its about the internal power struggles of a  major political family.The story pics up pace once Bhanu pratap(Khan Jahangir Khan) who heads the Rashtrawadi political party suffers a stroke while announcing the withdrawl of support to the ruling party resulting in the collapse of the government.He then announces that his brother Chandra pratap would take over the reins sparking a bitter rivalry between his son played with ease by Manoj Bajpai and the eldest son of chandra pratap played by Arjun Rampal. Rest of the story is about the unrelenting blood bath that follows as both the rival parties tries to get the upper hand in the upcoming elections.

Rajneeti by indian standards is a fine film,with some great screen play, some commendable acting, and some clean off screen work.But where it falters is its unrealistic portrayal of contemporary Indian politics and a finishing act which is less than impressive.

I dont get why Katrina has to be the face of this film in every poster that i see which has some fine acting by some of the legends of contemporary indian cinema like naseeruddin shah and Nana Patekar.