Archive for July, 2011


Being a porn enthusiast the word ‘facial’ had a different meaning for me till yesterday. I went for a beauty facial at a uni-sex saloon. Seriously supported by the likes of Sharukh, Surya and Mahesh, i felt a need to look good, attractive and gay at the same time. I never guessed whats in store for me. It took 1.5 hours for me to realize that i was touched, rubbed, steamed and plucked at the same time. I never imagined in my wildest of dreams that a  girl could make me cry with her acts. I came out of the room with a smooth face, broken ego and a newly found respect for all the well maintained women out there.

That advertisement where a guy uses a cream, becomes fairer and gets hot chicks deeply affected me. If not for chicks i would never have entered that torture room. Anyways past is past. So on a fine day i decided that i should look good. I googled for all the best uni sex saloons around my place and zeroed on the one which has best reviews from their women costumers. Naturally, I couldn’t find any reviews from the men. Men can review women but not the saloons that they go to. It’s a hush hush thing. You cant say to your boy friends that you went for a saloon to look good  or you used a Viagra to be more effective. It’s demeaning for a real man. We like to call ourselves natural and manly, its a man’s thing.

I entered this huge building with hoardings of beautiful white women endorsing the saloon. As soon as i entered i can see scores of women behind a reception desk  doing all sorts of things  to their hair, face, nails, hands, legs and what not!. I was like “are men allowed here?, why cant i see a single man, goddammit” and i was about to turn back when i heard a voice “sir, what can i do for you”, i turned back,  gave a fake smile and said “facial”. ” For you?!!” she asked as if nothing is going to change even after throwing me in a bleaching river. “yes for me, i was getting engaged so” , that was a lie, i don’t know what to say to her!. ” congrats sir, for men its the top floor, take the stairs”. “ok”.

I went to the top floor and was made to sit in a luxury spa chair and then came a lady who will decide my future 2 hours. She came with a pamphlet containing all the different types of facials, their costs and a brief  info about them. “pearl facial”, “shehnaz gold”, “fruit?”, “silver”, “bronze”. I was like ” WTF?”. Sensing that i was totally confused she asked me what i want exactly.  Without any hesitation i said ” white”. With no expression on her face she thought for a while and said “go for pearl sir”. My brain started working “pearl haa, pearl = white , pearl is forever so white shall remain white forever, hmmm”. I said “ok, go ahead”.

I was taken into a lonely room with a massage bed and was asked to wait for a while. A girl came into my room with a black robe and asked me to remove my shirt and change. ” A girl?, a girl will do my facial?, don’t they have men in here?, is there no rule?, a women should be arrested only by women constables and a man should be facialized only by an other man, there is no such rule?, shit shit”. I calmly removed my shirt, changed into the loose black robe and sat on the table. I was looking around for any hidden video cameras. I don’t want to see “Black Indian molested in a saloon” in those famous MMS scandal websites tomorrow. I was made to sleep facing the roof and she started working on my face.  After growing up only 2 women touched my cheeks, one slight touch while playing Holy and one hard touch when i proposed someone.

Each cream felt different and smelled different. The strokes on my face felt heavenly  till  the time she started doing something with my nose. I later came to know from a girl friend of mine that she was actually trying to pluck black heads and create black holes on my nose. “what difference does it make?, my skin color matches with the black heads, then why remove, why god why?”. I never felt this feeling of “involuntary crying”. I was literally sobbing while she is molesting my nose. I just realized how James Bond might have felt in “Casino Royale” when he is stripped naked and banged from below. After physical torture started air torture began where, suddenly hot air was blasted onto my face. “whats happening, i don’t want to die here!”. I was literally gasping for air breathing from my mouth. Air torture lasted for 5 min and i came out alive. Then came my worst nightmare, MENTAL torture.

The lady suddenly came to my side, lifted my hand and started applying lotion, from fingers to the shoulders. Something started which shouldn’t have started. “No, no, no ,no,no”. Don’t judge me here, its natural for an unmarried man. If i don’t get aroused then you are free to judge me!. I crossed my legs for a while, tried to think about my English mam(she is a de-arouser), prayed lord krishna, Krishna didn’t help, so started praying lord Rama, Rama helped me to some extent. By the time mental torture got over, i am a vegetable, completely exhausted.

“Its done sir”. I got up with a stooped back, stooped organ and a broken heart. I changed to my casuals went for the mirror and saw the same old me. “It will show on your face in next 2 days sir”. “ooh yaa?, really?”. I came out of the building with a lighter purse, heavy head and a clear determination never to go for a facial again. After all what difference does it make?, buffaloes die the same way they were born, no matter how many facials, isn’t it?.

About Straight Post

SP is all about freewill. I was once a revolutionary who lost his ideals in technology, a philosopher who lost his integrity in debugging and a poet who lost his soul in coding. SP is just the way I see the world. No hard feelings.

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