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Straight Post

Unity in Diversity

Except for the tag “Indian”, very few things unite us. Tamils don’t speak Hindi , SRK is not famous in AP, Delhiites can’t enjoy Rajni’s antics , Punjabi’s don’t have a clue of what a good sambar tastes like. I look like a Somalian , my GF looks like a Scandinavian. We Indians have nothing in common except for the tag “Indian” in our passports. I wonder what is that one thing which binds us, what is our national identity? . After two sleepless nights, 1 mallu B grade movie and an intellectual discussion with my friend sitting in front of the Forum mall , i came out with an answer!! CHEAPNESS.

Being cheap is such a common notion in India that it’s very hard to even realize that we are cheap. 5rs Fair and Lovely kareedo and become miss World, 100 rs ka AXE kareedo and 100 firangi ladikiyonko patavo. These 2 brands are the best selling brands in India and their sole mantra is capitalizing Indian cheapness. We love reading “cheap” Chetan Bhagat’s literature, we love to shop in cheap Big Bazaar’s , We love our bikes which give the best mileage.We love our heroines not for their acting but for the color of their skin.

India is not the poorest nation in the world, but it has produced the world’s cheapest car .We have the world’s cheapest water purifier and few days back we produced the world’s cheapest laptop. We invented zero, We are the inventors of “nothing”.

Being cheap has nothing to do with money. You can be poor and not be cheap. The concept of Indian cheapness in so overwhelming that it even surpassed the spiritual consciousness of India. Going by our historical legacy, If there is one nation in this world which “should ” not believe in the notion that “Money can buy happiness” ,it’s India. But see our youth. If you do a search in Google for worlds toughest exam , it will either be IIT-JEE or CAT. Lakhs of student take these exams yearly and overwhelming percentage of them have no absolute clue as to why they take these exams.

Remember street vendors shouting “das kaa ek” and people throng to buy the goods?, Same thing happened in the case of IIM’s. Till mid 90’s the Indian mass never knew about IIM’s and starting with economic reforms undertook by Manmohan Singh headed by PV Rao govt, the whole scenario changed. State owned banks have been privatized, Foreign companies which used to fear Indian red tape were freely investing in India and there is a dearth of desi bankers, analysts and managers. Then started the Big Indian tamasha led by the best press in the world!,Indian press . “IIM student bags 1 crore salary”, “IIPM, better than IIM’s 🙂 ” headlines. Then what happens, suddenly the other side of Indian brain, the cheap side ,overtakes the logical side of Indian youth and results in the “toughest” exam being conducted!.

If you are thinking at the back of your head that the aspirations of burgeoning middle class of India are responsible for this ‘cheap syndrome’, think again. Cheapness is not confined to the poorest of the poor , it has indeed effected the richest of the rich. Before the day when Mumbai Indians were to play the finals in the recently concluded IPL, the wife of the “to be” richest man on the globe, Nita Ambani along with her mother  flew down to Tirumala to offer special “pujas” to the lord Venkateshwara. She got a special permission from all India director general to land her husband’s custom made plane in Tirupathi after the midnight which is not allowed.And again she got special permission to go uphill to Tirumala after midnight which is again not allowed,but was done on a “special” permission from Naidu who is heading TTD board.Poor Balaji gets only one or 2 hours of sleep every day before he starts giving darshan to pilgrims but was abruptly woken by Nita Ambani as she was more busy than the lord himself.She was given the Darshan at 2:30 in the morning way before the “general” crowd gets to see the lord.She sat in the main sanctum for half an hour and then she threw 2 suit cases of cash worth atleast 5 crores and bags of gold .Nita thought that after all these, the god will make another GOD, Sachin to make a hundred in the finals and make MI victorious.Cruel twist of fate,Nita was not aware that the head of CSK,The cement baron from Chennai offered “more” money than her to the god “before” Nita, so he advance booked the result in a secret meeting with the god and thus the result and CSK won.

When Mukesh Ambani is building the world’s costliest house beside the world’s largest slum, i don’t know what you call it, but i call it cheap. when Aishwarya Rai was married to a tree before getting married to Abhishek Bachan, i don’t know what you call it, i call it cheap. When the news of Dhoni’s marriage appeared in the front page of every news paper and the human development index of India is printed in the 13th page corner in a two inch space, i don’t know what you call it, i call it cheap.

When i say we are cheap, i am not excluding myself. I am cheap too. I have been using Fair and lovely for the past 15 years(closely guarded secret) and AXE for the past year or so. Katrina Kaif is my favorite “actress” even though she don’t know how to act(Open secret). I love Rajni’s style and adore Ballaya’s dialogues.

We make friends,friends of friends,we are naughty,we are hot,this is not just a phone,this is what we are–(courtesy-priyanka chopra for Nokia)

We are cheap, cheaper than cheap, we are thrifty, we are mean , this is not just a feeling ,this is what we are — (courtesy – Balu for StraightPost)!!!

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SP is all about freewill. I was once a revolutionary who lost his ideals in technology, a philosopher who lost his integrity in debugging and a poet who lost his soul in coding. SP is just the way I see the world. No hard feelings.

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