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Straight Post

Gaalis, Movies and Reviews

I am writing these reviews because nobody asked me to write one.

Movie 1:

Being a vernacular south Indian boy my expertise in Hindi language is limited to three gaalis, ma*****d, be****d and chu**** and 15 numbers i.e. till pandrah. Whenever I watch a Hindi movie I make sure that I sit with a Hindi speaking guy so that he would translate the dialogues for me. I underestimated my limited knowledge in Hindi until recently when I went to watch a Bihari accent studded bad ass Hindi movie called Gangs of Wassepur. Surprisingly I understood the complex story line without any help.

Whenever I was in doubt and was not able to comprehend a particular scene in the movie, some or other character would shout Mada***** and I would shake my head in complete agreement. The innovative usage of Mad****** with extra o’s in between to stress upon the tense situations further explained the severity of a particular scene.  For example the hero would react differently in different situations depending upon the gravity of the situation using the same word. His reaction when his brother is killed, ”ma****o*”, when his sister-in-law is killed, “mad****ooo*”  and when his mother is killed, “mad****oooooooo*.

After hearing mad***** countless times my brain got conditioned in a unique way and the word got ingrained into my psyche.  when I came back to my room  I opened my time table , saw an exam scheduled on a fine precious Sunday the next week and  i involuntarily shouted  “kaun kiya ee ma*****ooooo*.

Nowadays my only response when I am angry is mad*****. The severity of my anger depends on the number of o’s in it.

With enough vigour and virility, Gangs of Wassepur is a fine Indian movie and provides wholesome entertainment to your entire family. This movie is a perfect chance for husbands and boyfriends to take revenge on their nagging wives and girlfriends. All they have to do is simply take them to this movie. Parents can also utilize this opportunity to teach some general knowledge to their kids. Overall my rating is 4/5.

Movie 2:

Vicky Donor is arguably the best inspirational movie in recent times after the cult classic “The Dirty picture”. The story of a boy whose heroism is directly proportional to the speed of his hand motion heavily inspired me. Half way through the movie, moved by the noble cause of the protagonist I called my girl friend and proudly said that I wanted to do charity, a concept which I always detested.  Having known my weird personality for a while she enquired further and I explained her the whole concept of sperm donation and the noble intention of mine to help all those miserable infertile couples. For the next 15 minutes I came to realize the depth and knowledge of her in the gaalis from various Indian languages like Hindi, English, Telugu and the language invented by her.

With newfound respect for those tiny little things rancorous thoughts preoccupied my mind whenever I opened the porn folder and I became somewhat conscious of the humungous wastage of the precious natural resource my body produces. Weird thoughts of sperm preoccupied my mind and I started day dreaming about them. The other day I woke from a deep slumber when the professor started shouting the project titles in the data mining class “Group 6, your project is about sperm, you need to develop an algorithm to effectively screen this mess of sperm”.  For a second I thought the assignment is about condoms but later found that he actually meant spam and not sperm!

Vicky Donor is an expedient social experiment well executed by the director. It gave a ray of hope to millions of unemployed youth of this country explaining them the economic viability of the physical assets that they own i.e. their own balls.

I will give the movie a not so generous 3.5/5

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About Straight Post

SP is all about freewill. I was once a revolutionary who lost his ideals in technology, a philosopher who lost his integrity in debugging and a poet who lost his soul in coding. SP is just the way I see the world. No hard feelings.

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