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Straight Post

Of Schools and Girls

When I was in school, boys were never even allowed to sit beside girls. We used to have separate seating rows and we hardly interacted except for academic purposes. We are not even aware of the purpose of our basic existence then i.e propagation by intercourse . The dreaded disease of AIDS did phenomenal help to Indians. It made the educational boards of India introduce sex education to prevent unsafe sex.  For centuries every Indian used to get a shock of his life on his/her first night. Kama sutra is there but it is not accessible to everyone and the sculptures on temples didn’t excite anyone to actually study the tiny ups and downs. So the only chance for a male/female to see the opposite sex in full nudity is on their ceremonial first night. Imagine yourself in the situation where you are completely unaware of the physical reality of the opposite sex and when you see it for the first time you will be like  “ooh shit man, WTF, I thought it would be like… “. It’s like showing movie goers Ek Tha Tiger who are actually anticipating Dark Knight Rises.

CBSE spared me the torture. It introduced a course on sex education.  My science teacher was a short shy intelligent lady. I remember her asking us to draw a weird diagram from my science text book without telling what it actually is .I being the most proactive and self proclaimed painter of the class completed the work before anybody could and raised my hands in jubilation. I even remember some of my guy friends clapping for the great achievement, none of the girls clapped and I realized the reason few years later.  That was a time when I am getting introduced to the exiting world of pornography in those obscure internet cafes cropped up in my city. I came to know that the diagram is actually a vagina. Then I realized the shocking genius of my science teacher. She is successful in teaching a whole course on sex without even giving us a hint as to what it actually is. Of course these days i see genius professors every day. Anyways.

Then I went to IIT to pursue my under graduation. Girls in IIT’s are like buns thrown into an arena of hungry dogs. It never mattered whether the bun is fresh or good looking or even edible but the fight is fierce some. Having lost the Darwinian battle, many boys started improving their dexterity skills. Boy’s hostel is meant only for boys. The creatures called girls were never allowed inside our premises. Profs were of the opinion that we are immature and can have wild sex if left unattended so they took good care of us. We were free beings and roamed in our corridors half naked unfazed by intrusive eyes of the opposite sex. Most of us haven’t opened our accounts by the time we graduated.

Then came IIM.

Suddenly we are seen as responsible beings and I don’t know why. Profs here think that our intellectual prowess bypasses our natural instincts. What they don’t realize is that we are active volcanoes with humungous internal pressures about to be erupted at any second. And they did the most logical thing. Allowed girls into boy’s hostels. Of course it’s for a noble cause of assignments!. I am not complaining. Many of us have rooms and permissions, what we don’t have are enough girls. Anyways, that is not my problem. My problem is freedom!

Like the joker in dark knight I am a man of simple tastes. I enjoy my porn, my movies, books and walking in my towel from the bathroom to my room.

I am a confident man, I think I am reasonably handsome, that is when I am wearing something.  I have this habit of wearing only a towel after my bath till my body dries and the worst thing is the position of my room which is farthest from the nearest bathroom. So I have to walk semi naked everyday crossing a whole corridor. But I never realized all these days the impending horror that I am about to experience.

Specializing in the field of strategy I always take bath twice a week and that too at midnights to escape any unwarranted invasion of my manhood. So as usual few days back on a fine midnight I took my bath, wrapped my towel, came out, started singing a song and started walking towards my room. I didn’t realize that she was standing just in front of me. I was shell shocked.

I felt like Buddha for a fraction of second, a self realized man. I think I experienced nirvana at that moment of time. The history of my entire manhood reeled before me, picture by picture.  I saved my bare body like Duryodhan only to show it to a Gandhari at an appropriate point of time. She entered like Krishna, damn it.

At that moment,  I remembered all those Indian movies where the hero/ heroine  comes out of  bathroom and the towel accidentally slips and both of them starts screaming at the same time.  I immediately checked the vital knot on my towel and took an about turn just like an army personnel and marched swiftly back to the bathroom. Waited for a while cursing myself all through, I wore my sweat socked shirt and came out, double checked the corridor and ran to my room.

Wars are won in the minds of the warriors and not in the Battle fields. I lost all the wars and I was battered bruised and even humiliated. But unlike westerners every Indian will win this war at the end because no matter how ugly, disgusting or chick repelling one is, every Indian boy will get married at the end, thanks to Indian mothers and the fantabulous system of arranged marriages. That’s the best part of being an Indian boy.

My journey of schools and girls is about to end in a short while. The best part is that unlike ancient Indians I will not get the shock of my life on my first night because i won the war in my mind long time back.



About Straight Post

SP is all about freewill. I was once a revolutionary who lost his ideals in technology, a philosopher who lost his integrity in debugging and a poet who lost his soul in coding. SP is just the way I see the world. No hard feelings.

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